First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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