It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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