people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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