so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
