I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
