I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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