my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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