i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just pee around me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
