It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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