He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
