I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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