How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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