i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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