pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize