He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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