My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
