too bad you live with your parents still
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
