Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
