And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
