tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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