i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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