I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm passing your future prison.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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