Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
