I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
