Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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