I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
