JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
