Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
