just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
