I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
