I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
