I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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