You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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