just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
