Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
