did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize