Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Rumble strips road head = magical
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize