would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
