omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I want a musical about memes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize