I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
