ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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