bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
