Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
