after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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