I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
