I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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