Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
