I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
