Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
