Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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