you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
