Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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