Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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