If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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