one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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