I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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