I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
