Don't you send me to vm
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
