The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
