bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
