Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
