It's Friday. Sex?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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