Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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