Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
