i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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