You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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