it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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