I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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