i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
