Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
