thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just tell him i said nine months
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
