everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm at about main and main street
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
