if you like me you must not know who I am
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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