Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
