when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
