I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
