"it" just moved
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
