So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
