he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
