They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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