We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
