Cold hands, warm shart.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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