For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
