She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
