I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When are your genitals available?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
