So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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