the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
