I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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