I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
