Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
