I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize