what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
