don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
