My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
