if only i could text you this smell
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize