that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
