So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
