just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
