The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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