I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
