...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
