On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
