We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
as a side note pls kill me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
