so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
