I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
