Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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