we have pet lesbian snakes
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
they're like a gay fantastic four
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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