Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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