I wish I only lived at night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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