I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
