you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
