I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
