things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize