I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
