it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
