I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize