Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
