It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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