Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
